And the embarrassment I felt when I was part of shares with people looking right at me and talking to me and advising me during the meeting time was almost unbearable.
And it felt just awful to lose people who I thought were my friends after I relapsed and to lose more and more after continued relapsing. It was humiliating and embarrassing to pick up another white one after that, then felt shameful to have people come up to me and ask me what happened and tell me I needed to change sponsors, stop coming to meetings with a person I had been coming to meetings with during all my sobriety time, to do this and do that. It felt good to go pick up that first, 30 day, 60 day, 90 day and 1 year one. I didn't go back to a meeting for a couple of months at least after that. Was even told by another member that I was 'lying' to the group about my sobriety if I didn't pick up another white chip. After a few relapses, I stopped picking up chips.
There are a couple of groups here that do not hand out chips at all.